I've always liked certainty. Knowing who I am. Where I am. Where I'm going. Having somewhere to aim for. I like security. An obvious example of this is the fact that I've been in the same school for 12 years now. Sure, I had a year overseas - but to all intents and purposes I have enjoyed where I've been - and so I've stayed. There's been plenty of challenge, new opportunities as far as classes and pastoral challenges that have made it an interesting journey. I've also loved the collegues I've had to work with and of course the fantastic young people who have made their way through my classes.
So entering into a Period of Discernment for ministry is an interesting change of direction. What it really means is giving up that life raft of security I've enjoyed for so long. Earlier this year I applied for a job which would have given me the best of both worlds: able to stay at my school and chaplaincy. Fortunately others could see this wouldn't be the best thing for me. And now, just as I'm on the brink of beginning - a phone call offering me my dream job. That which I would have given anything for a few years ago. What once would have been a great opportunity seems more like a block on the path - obscuring my vision and having the potential to block my view of what really matters.
I'm reflecting on what it feels like to give up my sense of security - to actually trust God with my future and leave my life in his hands. It's quite a brave thing for someone who likes security as much as I do! Stepping into an unknown future seems a brave thing to do. However I have two big things on my side - the love of God calling me on to new and exciting adventures - calling to a life of service where I can hope to make a difference in the lives of those around me - and also the love of a truly wonderful man. What a great blessing that is.
I pray that God will be with both of us on this journey - and lead us along the right path. And if that's not the one I want to go down now - I pray that God will give me the grace and understanding to put it asside and find the truly right path for me.
I'm in your hand's Lord - hold me gently.
Hugs!!
SB
3 comments:
My Love:
what a wonderful post - heartwarming and moving; really lovely! Glad (and proud) to be sharing this journey with you.
BB
The path of discernment, which usually involves leaving the 'logical' security of the known, can be scary, but it's definitely worth it. Hang in there, both of you :-)
My thoughts and prayers are with you (in between the swearing at assignments and exam prep that I seem to be doing a lot of at the moment :-)
Dear Caro,
Many thanks - it's really valuable to be able to talk to those who've been thru the process recently - especially when it's very recently like you have. Thanks so much for your supportive comments!
However it works out it's bound to be a very exciting journey.
See you soon!
Sandy
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